


(when you're with me) i'm finally free

by flicker_album



Category: One Direction (Band), Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, a tiny bit of angst, i guess technically lol, mentions of weed and alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 12:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17580992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flicker_album/pseuds/flicker_album
Summary: @ShawnMendes: @NiallOfficial We ARE going to!@NiallOfficial: @ShawnMendes Let’s do it thenOr the one where every time Niall and Shawn try to write a song together they end up making out instead.





	(when you're with me) i'm finally free

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii. This is my first Niall/Shawn fic that I've posted so I'm a little nervous! I really hope you all like it! This is un-beta'd so any mistakes are my own!  
> This is a work of fiction! It does not represent any of the real life people mentioned.

“Niall, will you ever give us a song with Shawn?” Niall read aloud, ignoring how his stomach filled with butterflies at the mention of Shawn.

He typed back his response  _ (“We’re going to try .”)  _ before he continued on with his random Twitter Q&A. He really loved getting to interact with his fans and he had some free time during breakfast before he had to be at the studio so why the hell not?

Once he actually got to the studio, he turned his phone to Do Not Disturb and worked on his new song. He had to admit it had some pretty romantic elements to it and he didn’t know where the hell that was coming from. He wasn’t in a relationship currently. He just knew he had inspiration for this song somehow and continued to work on it, getting quite a bit written. 

He worked on a few other songs as well before he decided to check his phone again, surprised to see a reply from Shawn.

**@ShawnMendes:** @NiallOfficial We ARE going to!

Well. If that was going to happen then they’d need to actually work on something, instead of doing what usually happens when they get together.

**@NiallOfficial:** @ShawnMendes Let’s do it then

He locked his phone again and waited. The ball was in Shawn’s court and Niall would wait until he heard from him, which shouldn’t be too much longer.

\+ + + + +

Niall didn’t get a reply back from Shawn until well after dinner, a simple text saying  _ Hey _ . It made Niall roll his eyes with fondness. The boy couldn’t ever just say what he wanted right away.

**Niall:** Hello Shawny  
**Shawn:** Were you serious about doing a song together? From your Twitter thing this morning

Niall rolled his eyes again. They’ve  _ talked _ about doing a song together, for a while actually. It was almost as if Shawn couldn’t believe Niall wanted to have a song with him. 

**Niall:** course . why would i lie about that ?  
**Shawn:** Fan service? Anyway. Are you busy right now?

Niall glanced down at the Xbox controlled he abandoned in his lap to reply to Shawn’s texts. Definitely not busy.

**Niall:** nah , playing some xbox. what’s up ?  
**Shawn:** Mind if I come over? Feeling creative. Maybe we could actually do some writing?  
**Niall:** sure mate

He knew he didn’t need to try to impress Shawn but he found himself cleaning up around his house, spritzing on some cologne, and running his hands through his hair a few times to make it look decent. He was also 99% sure Shawn was high but even if he was, Niall didn’t care. He’d had a few beers with dinner and whilst playing Fifa, so he wasn’t one to judge. He knew Shawn could smoke and then play guitar for hours. 

He had just grabbed a fresh beer out of the fridge when the doorbell rang.  _ How many times will this kid make me roll my eyes? _ Shawn knew he could come right in; he’d been over enough times. Niall walked over and opened the door, revealing Shawn in his favourite Harvard sweatshirt (the one Niall thought he looked extra adorable in).

“Hey, Niall,” Shawn said, setting his guitar case down by the door. “Thanks for letting me come over.”

“Shawn. You don’t have to thank me.”

“Well, I feel like I kinda invited myself over.” He bit his bottom lip, looking at Niall with worried eyes. 

Niall put his hand on Shawn’s arm. “Not like I don’t want you here, mate.”

They both smiled at each other before Niall asked, “D’ya smoke before you came over?”

Shawn blinked at him. “Oh. No? I mean, yeah a few hours ago but it’s mostly worn off by now. Why?”

Niall shrugged and started walking towards his kitchen with Shawn following. “You said you were feeling creative. Usually you say that when you’re stoned.” 

Shawn laughed. “You’re right, I do. But nah. Just saw your tweet and got inspired I guess.”

“Inspired to write?” Niall asked, one eyebrow raised.

“And what else would we do?” He asked it so sweetly, so innocently. It was almost as if he didn’t  _ know _ . As if he didn’t know whenever they got together to ‘write’ it always ended in snogging. 

“Piss off!” Niall laughed, gently pushing Shawn on his shoulder.

They made their way to the room Niall did most of his writing in. It wasn’t anything special, but Niall always wrote songs in there when he was at home. As they walked, he thought about the first time him and Shawn hung out (which they still disagree on when it was.) 

Shawn thought it was after the AMA’s, which he’s not  _ wrong  _ about because they did hang out after that. They had went back to Niall’s to watch a movie. But… there wasn’t much movie watching involved. The same thing happened when they got together to watch the Grammy’s.

They never spoke too much about it, mostly alluded to it like earlier, and it never went past making out. He was actually okay with that since they  _ hadn’t _ talked about it and he didn’t feel comfortable doing anything without knowing what the state of their relationship was. He didn’t know if Shawn just wanted a friends with benefits type of situation or if he actually fancied him. Niall really hoped it was the latter but he didn’t know how to bring it up to Shawn. He just wasn’t sure if Shawn would ever be the one to bring it up.

Once they got to the writing room and sat down on Niall’s (extremely) comfortable couch, Shawn opened and closed his mouth a few times before shaking his head. He said with a blush on his cheeks, “I forgot my guitar by your front door.”

“What,” Niall deadpanned. 

“I mean, I can go get it. I know we don’t always need it for writing anyway. But…” He trailed off.

Niall, determined to actually put pen to paper and  _ write _ with Shawn, just waved him off. “No, it’s fine. If we need it, you can go get it later. We should be fine. Besides,” he grinned, “I got plenty of guitars.”

After that they started to discuss different ideas for songs they’ve had. At the very least, they brainstormed. Niall wanted to show Shawn the song he was working on earlier but felt it wasn’t quite ready yet. 

Niall wrote down some of the ideas they had, even a few lyrics for possible songs, before it happened; Shawn picked up Niall’s beer and took a drink.

It really shouldn’t have affected him the way it did. They’ve shared drinks before; hell, they’ve shared  _ saliva _ almost every time they’ve hung out together. Maybe Niall was feeling a little touch-starved because Shawn was on the other side of the couch.

Between Shawn’s pink lips wrapped around the top, the way his neck moved as he tipped it up to take a drink, and his long fingers wrapped completely around the bottle… Niall had to stare. Shawn noticed Niall staring and set the bottle back down with a worried expression.

“Sorry. I, uh, I didn’t think you cared if we shared?” He trailed off at the end.

“Oh!” Niall blinked, surprised. “I don’t. Sorry. I was just… watching you.” He blushed, unable to stop himself. 

“Yeah?” Shawn asked, smirking at Niall’s reddening face. He moved the paper he had been writing on to the table and sat in the middle spot of the sofa, one seat closer to Niall. 

Niall moved closer too, out of instinct and pure lust. Shawn immediately put his hand on Niall’s thigh and leaned in, never one to shy away from his want and need to kiss. 

They met in the middle, their lips pressed together in a familiar way. Niall loved the feel of his scruff rubbing against Shawn’s smooth skin and he knew Shawn loved it too; it’s something he mumbled out once during a past make out session. They always started the same; small, soft kisses before one of them got almost hungry for more, opening their mouth up to let tongues meet. This time it was Shawn who opened his mouth up first, letting Niall slip his tongue into his mouth. Niall had always loved snogging; it was another reason why he never fully brought up just what this was between them. 

After he got his tongue into Shawn’s mouth, it was like a flip had been switched. Shawn pressed forward harder, making Niall lean backwards towards the sofa, letting out a surprised squeak at the force. Shawn quickly pulled back, put his hands on Niall’s shoulders, and swung his leg across his lap, effectively straddling him. He gave a crooked grin before he dove back into kissing. 

The thing was that Shawn knew he was tall, everyone did, but that didn’t stop him from always being the one to crawl into Niall’s lap, despite Niall being a good few inches smaller than him. And Niall didn’t care either. He loved feeling Shawn’s strong thighs around his own. Shawn liked to keep his hands on Niall’s neck or jaw, feeling the coarse hairs. Niall, however, always put his hands in Shawn’s hair. He loved the silky strands between his fingers and he secretly liked how Shawn looked after they were done kissing, all red cheeks, puffy lips, and messy hair.

There’s no way to know how long they sit there snogging. Their hands moved a little slower and their kisses turned softer, lighter. Eventually Shawn pulled his face away and tucked in into the crook of Niall’s neck. They both tried to get their breathing under control, into something not as heavy. 

“I should-“ Shawn started, before stopping to clear his throat. “Go. I should… go.” He slowly slid off of Niall’s lap and back onto the couch next to him. He ran a hand through his hair to fix it but Niall’s hands had already found a home their during their make out sessions so it was a mess, needless to say. 

“Yeah,” Niall replied, a beat too late probably. “That’s cool. Yeah. We, uh, got a lot done tonight.”

Shawn smiled at him, something between a smirk and a genuinely happy grin. “I’d say so.”

They both laughed and got up. Shawn adjusted his pants and Niall pretended not to notice. In the back of his mind he knew, he  _ knew,  _ this would be the perfect time to talk to Shawn about whatever was going on between them but he couldn’t get the words to come out. 

They walked back to the front door and Shawn grabbed his guitar case up off of the floor. “I’ll see you around?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” Niall nodded. “I hope so. I’ll be here another couple of weeks so…”

“Cool, yeah. We’ll have to do another writing session again. It was fun, eh?” 

“Fun,” Niall echoed, smiling up at Shawn. 

Shawn’s hands fumbled with his guitar case for a second before he sat it back on the floor. 

“Wh-“ Niall went to ask before Shawn’s big hands grabbed the sides of his face and he leaned down to kiss Niall again. 

It was soft, fleeting. A quick press of lips but it somehow felt like  _ more.  _ Niall just couldn’t figure out why. They didn’t do goodbye kisses, preferring to just snog for hours before one of them stopped and that was it. It was a routine, just like  _ not talking about it  _ was a routine. 

He barely had time to react to the kiss before Shawn pulled back and grabbed his guitar once more. 

He twisted open the door and smiled at Niall, his eyes twinkling. “Bye, Niall.”

Niall, still a bit breathless from the very unexpected but very welcomed kiss, just said a soft, “Yeah,” before Shawn was out the door. He stood in his hallway for a few minutes as he mulled over the events from that night. 

_ Fuck. _

\+ + + + +

Niall didn’t hear from Shawn after their ‘writing’ session for a few days. Well, he did, but just random texts here and there, never a full conversation. He didn’t know if it was because of how the night ended  _ (that goodbye kiss) _ or what. Which was why he was surprised when he woke up not even a week later to a text from Shawn.

**Shawn:** Hey, I think I have more of an idea for the song. Mind if we get together today?

Usually they didn’t see each other much in between their makeout sessions, tending to text frequently instead. Niall knew that if he saw Shawn more, it would lead to more kissing, which would lead to more questions bouncing around in his head. They also were usually flying around to different parts of the world but they both were working on new albums at the moment which meant they were actually in the same place at the same time for a longer period of time. 

Niall’s fingers itched to reply back as soon as he saw the text but he wanted to wait a little bit, let himself wake up since he had, technically,  _ just woken up.  _ He got up and showered (more quickly than normal) and made sure to get dressed before texting anything back.

**Niall:** yeah , that’s fine. what time ?

Almost as soon as he hit send the three gray dots appeared. Shit, it seemed like Shawn was waiting for a reply. It made Niall feel a bit guilty for not saying anything sooner. 

**Shawn:** Anytime, man. I’m up and around, could be there soon. I can even grab us some lunch, if that’ll help convince you ;)

Niall snorted at that. He hadn’t eaten yet so he figured it was a good deal; Shawn and food. They texted back and forth to figure out where to get their lunch from and bid each other a  _ “See ya later” _ text.

As soon as Shawn arrived, Niall met him at the door. He knew Shawn would just ring the bell again even though his hands would, presumably, be full of takeaway containers. 

“Hey,” he said as soon as the door was opened. “I was gonna ring the doorbell.”

“I know, mate,” Niall deadpanned. “And you know that you can just walk in whenever you want, yet here you are about to ring the bloody bell.” He grabbed the bag containing half of their food from Shawn, their hands brushing together. It did nothing to stop his racing heart. He wanted to chastise himself for feeling this way towards a  _ mate _ but he was past that now. He knew he fancied Shawn, it was just a matter of time before the truth came out and they dealt with whatever was going on between them. 

Shawn stopped as soon as he walked in and shut the door, glancing at Niall. His cheeks were flushed (were they perpetually pink? Niall didn’t know for sure anymore) as he said, “You, uh. You look good today. I mean-” He stopped himself and started again, seemingly more flustered. “You look good today but you look good all the time. Yeah.”

Niall laughed, unbothered by his stuttering. He was already well aware Shawn could go from nervous talker to smooth talker in a second flat. “Thanks, Shawny.” If anything, Shawn’s cheeks went a deeper shade of pink. Niall tried to remain a calm exterior but he liked the thought of being the one to make Shawn blush.

Without thinking, they both walked straight to the writing room where they had been not even a week before. They both set the food down on the table and Shawn sat on the couch. 

“Shit. I’ll go get us some water,” Niall said offhandedly and he quickly made his way to the kitchen, not wanting to leave Shawn waiting.

When he returned back Shawn was still sat in the same spot, staring at the wall. 

“You alright?” Niall asked, concerned something was wrong. He sat down right next to Shawn, unlike last time when they had more space in between them. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just-” He waved his hand around, “Nervous. Again. I think.”

“You think?”

Shawn stayed quiet and Niall wasn’t sure what to say either. He knew Shawn used to get pretty nervous. Last he knew, his anxiety was getting better. He didn’t pry but Shawn had told him some of it and he tried to be there for him whenever he needed.

“I just-” Shawn started and stopped again. He looked at Niall with uncertainty. 

“Yeah?”

Shawn surged forward, catching Niall in a very unexpected kiss. It was over as quickly as it had started and Shawn sat back after, almost leaning comically far away from Niall.

“Uhh…” Niall said as Shawn started muttering out his apologies. “Is that why you were nervous?”

Shawn looked away, his hands messed with his jeans before he ran them through his hair. “Maybe? I’m not sure. I don’t know anymore. I don’t-”

This time he was cut off by Niall pressing their lips together. He could be reading things wrong, but from his observation Shawn was nervous because he wanted to kiss Niall. And, well, Niall wanted to kiss him too. So why put Shawn through more anxiety when they could be snogging?

“You don’t have to,” Shawn tried to say between kisses. 

Niall pulled back, only slightly. “I don’t mind.” He planted a few more kisses on Shawn’s lips before moving down towards his jaw and neck. They usually kept their kisses on the mouth but something had sparked in Niall and he wanted  _ more _ , even if it was just a little bit. “I want to,” he admitted, his voice soft. 

“Our food,” Shawn protested. His voice was weak and already sounded affected by the kisses Niall left. 

“Will still be there when we’re ready.”

Shawn took that as a good enough answer and pulled Niall back up, leaving an open-mouth kiss on the side of his jaw before going back to his mouth. 

“Love your mouth,” he breathed out. It made Niall’s heart race. “Love your scruff. Fuck.” He took his turn to kiss all over Niall’s jaw and neck. “Love how it feels.” 

Niall knew Shawn could get vocal during the time they spend kissing, between talking and soft moans. But this? It made Niall feel like he was on cloud 9. He was floating, he felt high. It made him press his mouth harder to Shawn’s, which earned him a moan in response.

This time, Shawn pulled Niall on his lap. Niall’s hands fell immediately into Shawn’s hair. He pulled slightly, another moan coming out that was muffled by their lips. Shawn’s hands roamed up and down Niall’s back, ghosting right above his arse before they landed on his hips and stayed put. Niall loved how big Shawn’s hands were and how they felt on his body, heat radiating between them where they were touching. Niall felt like he was in heaven. 

They didn’t work on the song that day.

\+ + + + +

Niall vowed to himself to talk to Shawn about whatever was going on between them the next time he saw him. Luckily for him, Shawn seemed to not be able to wait and texted him the next night. 

**Shawn:** Can I come over?

Niall should’ve played it cool but he was almost craving to see Shawn again, even though they kissed on the couch for hours the day before. He had no self-control when he texted back a single word.

**Niall:** please

Shawn quickly replied with the thumbs up and winking face emojis. He had never mentioned writing so it was safe to say he wanted to come over and hang out. Niall ran his hands over his face and thought over what he’d say to Shawn. He just had no idea how to initiate the conversation. He figured he’d wing it but he wanted to do it sooner rather than later. Their  _ friends-who-kiss _ relationship had gone on long enough for him and he was hoping to to turn that into  _ boyfriends-who-kiss. _

All too fast Shawn was at his house. Niall waited in the hallway, once again prepared to open the door for him. But this time he walked in without ringing the bell. Niall’s eyes widened in surprise. 

Shawn noticed him standing there as soon as he walked in and shut the door. He looked nervous again and Niall couldn’t figure out why.

“Hey,” Shawn breathed out quietly. He walked up to where Niall was standing, reached a hand out before he stopped himself.

Niall meant to reply. He meant to say some snarky comment about how Shawn  _ finally walked in without ringing the bell _ but he didn’t have time. Because the next thing he knew he was being pressed up against the wall with Shawn’s mouth covering his own. 

This was definitely new territory for them. Besides the one goodnight kiss, they had always left their kissing to be done in the writing room or the living room. It was almost as if Shawn couldn’t wait to kiss him, needed to do it as soon as he saw Niall.

Their mouths opened and tongues slipped together. Niall let out an involuntary moan before he realized what was happening. He turned his head to the side, letting Shawn leave kisses on his cheek before asking, “What are we doing?” It came out quieter than he thought it would and he was worried Shawn couldn’t hear him.

But Shawn did hear him. He recoiled, pulled back from Niall and let his arms fall to his sides. “Was that- that wasn’t okay? I’m sorry. Shit.” 

“No, no, no,” Niall replied.  _ Fuck. _ “That was absolutely okay. I mean ‘what are we doing?’ in a broader sense. We, uh, we kiss. A lot. But we’re just friends.” He paused and looked away from Shawn’s eyes, suddenly nervous. “I’ve been going out of my mind trying to figure out what that means for us.” Niall looked back into Shawn’s eyes, which had softened.

“I feel like we should have this conversation somewhere that’s not your front hallway.” Shawn laughed lightly.

Niall grabbed Shawn’s hand, reveling in how warm it was, and pulled him into his living room. They both sat on the sofa, a little distance between them, but still close enough that their knees knocked together when they moved.

“Do you, uh, wanna go first? Since it seemed like you had a lot more to say?” Shawn asked.

Niall closed his eyes for a second before he opened them back up and looked at Shawn. “I’ll be honest, I’m not sure how I’m supposed to say this so I’m just going to start talking.” Shawn nodded along. “I just- we kiss. A lot, like I said. And it’s doing my head in. Any time when we’re  _ not _ kissing, it’s like we’re just mates. But when we’re snogging on my couch twice in a week it seems like there’s something more between us. And I didn’t know what you were feeling and if it was the same as what I’m feeling, what I have been feeling for a while now.”

Shawn is quiet for a minute before he said, “I like you, Niall. Fancy you. Whatever you want to call it. I’ve liked you since before I met you, probably. You’re older than me and so much cooler. You’re more experience in more ways than one. Why do you think I was always so nervous around you?” 

“I thought that was your anxiety…” Niall murmured.

“Well, yeah. But also because of you. You make me nervous whether or not I’ve gotten my anxiety under control. Anytime I was around you, anytime I  _ am _ around you I’m so incredibly nervous because I like you so much. I didn’t know that you felt the same but I’m so fucking happy that you do.”

Niall smiled at him. “Of course I do.”

“I have a confession though.” Niall looked at him with concern. “No, it’s not bad! When I came over yesterday and said I was so nervous and then I just started kissing you… well, I was going to try to have this exact same talk with you but I panicked.”

“That’s why you said you nervous?” 

“Yeah, I was going to say something about it. But I freaked out and started kissing you instead because I was worried if I said something then you wouldn’t want to see me anymore. And I selfishly couldn’t stand the thought of not being able to kiss you again.” 

“It’s not selfish,” Niall said, bringing a hand up to cup Shawn’s cheek.

“It’s not?”

“I would’ve done the same thing.” He planted a small, soft kiss to Shawn’s mouth, both of them sighing faintly. 

“So what does this mean for us?” Shawn asked. He pressed his forehead against Niall’s, keeping his eyes closed but his mouth smiling.

“I’d say we’re boyfriends, if you’re up for it.” 

Shawn leaned back in, kissing Niall with a slightly opened mouth, letting their tongues touch fleetingly. Now that they’ve talked about their feelings, the snogging made Niall more  _ excited _ than he normally got during their previous make-out sessions. 

“Mmm, yes. Boyfriends. I like how that sounds.” Shawn started kissing lower, down Niall’s jaw and neck, even leaving a small bite below his ear. That made Niall’s breath quicken and his fingers tighten in Shawn’s hair. “But… does that mean we can do  _ more _ than kiss?”

Niall jumped up quickly and grabbed Shawn’s hand again, this time lacing their fingers together. “You bet your fucking arse it does.”

Shawn laughed as Niall pulled him to the bedroom.

**Author's Note:**

> I am tempted to write more to this sooo... lemme know if I should! :)
> 
> Rebloggable Tumblr post [here](http://flicker-album.tumblr.com/post/182383030645/when-youre-with-me-im-finally-free-by)!


End file.
